Thoughts at 21

There are days when I feel that it's about time to grow up and actually do something about it. I then start to think way beyond the usual one year duration I set myself. Sometimes I go further to 2 or 5 or even more in making "the contingent plan of my life". But, there are days too that I can only go as far as an hour (and even less) on the what-to-do's of my life. These are days when I pretty much prefer to play every video games I can get my hands on or spend the whole day reading a good book, not to mention my mom hour after hour reminding me to take a bath.

I always wonder if being productive or lazy is a matter of choice or a habitual phenomenon. Like how composers or writers who didn't have"it" for the day that's why they can't make a tune or be in a a state of writer's block. Maybe I just don't have "it" or my mind up to this point is struggling with what the hell "it" is.

I told, or I should say argued to a friend that I act appropriately inappropriate. That my actions and thoughts are not synchronized because it's not yet supposed to, somehow. That I cannot and will not ever understand the things I never understand about parents till I become one. That I come up with all the excuses I could possible think of. For short, at 21, I'm not yet a consistent adult. (Aren't those two words just plainly contradicting?)

Karla said that's it's normal; the frequent reservations and the rare bout of impulsiveness. These are what she said "Thoughts at 21". That whatever I could and would think of (sensible or absurd) is entirely normal. She assured me that I shouldn't worry too much if I talk more and act less because, growing up and doing all those categorically adult stuff doesn't happen overnight, it's a process. For some, it happens soon, some even later, but no one is ever too late for it.

I love talking to Karla when I'm confuse. She makes me realize I'm not crazy, just immature.

As they say, the beauty of life is we can mess up and then mess up again. Kidding. Scratch that. What I really meant was, everything if given it's time to consume, to learn and to simply let be, will come out the way it is suppose to.

Sent from my iPod