Relapse

Yesterday I woke up with my head all light and it felt kinda weird. Later did I found out that I didnt had a drink the night before and probably after the longest time I was sober. Its not something new to me, but since it rarely happens I kinda forgot how it felt to be not intoxicated. I love the way alcohol would just play with my brain cells to the point of deterioration that at times it became an addiction.I dont know but to me, it has a tranquilizing effect. Alcohol sobers up the monsters in my head, letting me focus on the things that matters now and not those who mattered. Maybe thats why as much as possible I cant be sober or too sober for a long time. I still can function though but its not as the same when I had a few bottles of beer or shots of vodka. Because when I do have some, i feel normal in my own definition of proper state of mind.

I bumped into old emails the other night and saw one from rael. For a brief moment I thought about him and how could he be. After our final final closure he and I were ok. He gave his explanations while i listened intently. Months ago I left my baggages in Manila but I know that when I get back to Davao its hard to work on he and I being friends. We had history, too much history. Its more than enough reason to let time do the damage control. I thought about him and thats just about it. Momentarily i succumb into a 'pseudo' relapse because if i havent known better now, im pretty sure i could have done something stupid again. They should be making pills for this. A pill to make you fall into a coma when dead thoughts resurrect in your head. I can live with the fact that I cant erase them, but at times its discouraging knowing that something or someone can trigger them to pop up and it can blow you out of proportion.

For the time being, i've bolted myself to this happy ground but I know in time someone would screw me out (no pun intended).

Its exactly 2:33am and I just got back from our 4th bottle of Sauza tequila.. I feel good. And later's morning will sure be not weird at all.

tito zims: Ikaw na dyud! (19th bday @ Kanto Bar)

posted Sunday, 18 February 2007and so therefore...