Post Mortem

7:44 He died and there was nothing dignifying about it.

Five minutes before that, I can no longer feel his pulse. Heart beat was gone and the only thing that kept him alive was what was coming out of that ambubag. We tried to revive him, or i should say they made it look like we tried, but the cold reality of death beat us to it.

And like the distinctive cold of death, a certain coldness contained in me and momentarily i died to. I lost what was left of my dysfunctional conscience because i felt nothing. I totally and absolutely felt blank when emotions could have escalated beyond proportions. It was death. It was an end. But the best way to handle it was like death too, cold. There was no time to react given that i was in a situation where lives literally come and go by the minute.

In silence i prayed for his soul. That his heart be free of grudges and his family can eventually cope with the lost of his presence. I prayed for my soul too. I prayed that I would not get caught up with the hell that i got myself into.

8:10 He left the treatment room wrapped up and ready to go. The family already pacified and theres no longer a mark of denial in their faces.

8:11 I shrug off the feeling and went back to what was asked from me.