Halo-Halo Strikes Again

At times i wish he stops getting my heart do all this somersaults cause im literally palpitating. Thanks Halo-Halo! Kilig ko! hahahahaha

Drama Ala Section Q

She is the angelic class muse. Bubbly and friendly to everyone and would make every one's morning literally good just by the childish smiles she throws every first period. Pretty, smart, a cheer leader and the best friend of her friends, she is what the boys would fondly call the super girlfriend material. Many had tried to woe her heart but ended up with a failed attempt because unknown to many, she is still having an indefinite leave to mend her first loss.

He is the class clown. Just looking at him would send you to a euphoria of stomach-aching laughter. Comically witty and has what it takes to be a leader. The Mr. President and the guy in class everybody can depend on (and count on it that he would never let you down). A perfect gentleman who is loved by everybody but is tormented that she might not ever look at him the way he sees her, perfect.

This is my class' version of "highschool drama" and my job is to keep Cupid's latest victim still heads up despite an unrequited love.

Borge and I had a good conversation at the bleachers Wednesday afternoon while he waited for me to end my PE class. He's been not himself lately and the whole class knows that its about his feelings for Nille. He confessed thats its getting deeper everyday and he knows for a fact that he looks stupid having it.

"Samuka ani uy, mura nakog buang ba". No one could have said it any better.

Its much easier to give your two cents worth when things are mutual, but when its obviously one sided at times you found yourself lost for words. Borge needed someone to talk to. Someone whos not lucid enough to push him to jump when theres no water. And i dont know why but that someone happens to be me (well thats what he thinks). I really dont mind since Borge is a good friend of mine and Nille too, its just that at times hearing him out breaks my heart in different proportions.

Having to hear somebody love from a far is indeed painful.

If only they have met in different circumstances it might be worth going after. He wont look foolish holding back and who knows she might give him the benefit of a doubt. But friendship has been established and crossing the line might not be worth the risk of having nothing to get back to. Ouch!

Ive never been as close too Borge's situation which makes it harder to throw in some words of wisdom. But i did try though, i know he wanted me to say something even if it might hurt. It was a tough spot to be in too. I was torn in between not having to aggravate his predicament and at the same time tell him theres nothing wrong with putting someone on a high pedestal as long as it its healthy. And by healthy i mean, still having a sense of self-preservation.

B: Hay, Nille wag kang tumingin sakin at magnonosebleed ako.

Me: Actually Borge, CSF leakage naka. (cerebral spinal fluid)

B: Unsa ko kadugay maghulat? Should I even wait? Wala nay pag-asa bai. (how long should i wait? Should i even wait? Theres no hope bai.)

Me: Bai, mura na syag fruitcake. You dont eat fruit cake right then and there, dapat padugayaon kay didto sya mu lami. (Bai its like fruitcake, You dont eat fruit cake right then and there, you have to wait long for it to be delicious)

B:How can i find someone better if she's already the best?

Me: Mag-inum nalang ta Borge.

Toink!

Kape Overload

I was too overwhelmed with the huge and i mean really huge krispy kreme mug Karla got me that i managed to drink 2 cups worth of freshly grind and brewed kapeng batangas last night. Eubert said the mug looks like it can hold 500mL of coffee so that made my intake 1 Liter. I was overly caffeinated and ended up not having a good night sleep and my brain literally palpitating all day. But the good side though, I was able to show up for English class and not late for that matter (I was in school 15 minutes early). My body just naturally rejects the idea of waking up early and somehow showing up waay to early for class and this time "prepared" is indeed an accomplishment.

The group got 99 for the finals.

I guess its worth looking stoned the whole day.

Coffee 101.. Smell before indulging.

Limited Linksys

My sort of "sideline" which actually keeps me sane and compensated was a bit of challenging today. Of course the VOiP installation was a breeze eventhough it was my first time to install one on a skycable isp the hard part was figuring out why on earth my client's linksys has limited connectivity when its connected to the PC through LAN.

Normally once one end of the Ethernet wire is hooked up to any of the 4 LAN ports of the router and the other to the LAN port at the back of the PC a local network is detected and you can see a bubble popping out on the right side of the screen that says LOCAL AREA CONNECTION is connected 100mbps. What happened with this WRT54GS version 6 is that the pc cannot fully detect the router (limited connectivity) and i cant enter the router's control panel by keying in it's ip address on Internet Explorer and set it up.

So after almost 2 hours of bitching how i often have problems installing Linksys routers, reading at geek forums, plugging and unplugging and a few help from my former health economics teacher ma'am kathy who happens to work with Linksys in their Davao office i finally figured it out..

Step One: Manually set the ip address of the router in the Local Area Connection

I got this from my linksys slaved friend. On your Local Area Connection Properties, click on the properties of the TCP/IP and key in the usual IP address most linksys routers have 192.168.1.1 then press tab to automatically key in the subnet mask and type in the same numbers for default gateway. Leave the DNS server addresses blank..

This should fully detect your router and a balloon would pop up saying so. You can now access your router's control panel upon entering the ip address on your Internet browser.

Step Two: Download Latest Router Firmware and Install

I have installed a handful of linksys routers and its usual problem is a non- updated firmware. Have you updated your firmware, thats linksys' Tech support agent's mantra. So before going bitchy give the graveyard shift agent a break and install a new firmware. Latest firmwares on corresponding routers are available at their support website.

Go back again TCP/IP properties and set to Obtain an IP Automatically. Make sure that the balloon doesn't pop up a limited connection.

Step Three: Reset the Router

After i completed steps 1 and 2 and hooked the router to the modem i still wasnt able to come up with an Internet connection and found out that some router settings have been changed during a failed attempt to set up the router which might have messed up the router-modem connection. Getting the router back to its out of the box shape was necessary to clear out wrong configurations.

Use the ballpoint of a pen to press the reset button found at the back of your router. Press until all the lights in the router turns off by itself and turns on again. All previous settings were erased but i noticed that the firmware is still the same latest version done in step 2.

Step Four: Setup Router and Modem

Get your Internet connection back to its pre-router phase (modem directly connected to the pc) and check if you can get online (open a website or instant messenger).

If you still have the software cd that comes in with your router just pop it in your cd drive, run the application and follow the no brainer instructions. But if you lost the cd, theres a problem installing with the cd or your too lazy to find it somewhere in your stacks of discs you can use linksys EasyLink Connect. It runs the same way the software that comes with the cd and I like the fact that it configures your modem setup (very useful for dhcp and static ip settings ). Just downloads and save the file, run and again follow no brainer instructions.

I could have easily gave up on that router since I was eager to follow some sort of schedule for the day. But I guess my techie instinct prevailed and I wouldnt want those two new toshiba laptops missing out on the world of wifi.

On router memories, my first router was a dlink who's wireless connection was somehow busted (i think it fell and messed up with the antenna). It didnt bother me that then since i was on a desktop. I later on shifted to Netgear (papa got one on sale) and for 2 years now i havent had a slightest problem with it and havent updated its firmware either.

There have been reports that linksys routers have been such a total drag and i think it has something to do with updating their router's firmware as often as they should. My friend from linksys said it fucks up because its soo cheap. Im not sure how low they pay chinese laborers to do it, but they better give them a raise or else their call center agents will have to deal with angry costumers. Too bad, I really do like the shape and design of most linksys' routers. It just looks so "powerful" and sturdy or so i thought.

Boo Linksys!

Because You Asked, I Answered

There are questions asked from us that if were presented in a much earlier time we would take a moment to gather up our thoughts before coming up with an answer. Most of the time this answer is encrypted with hesitations and even fear because deep inside, thats the one question were not yet ready to respond to or even hear.

Last night, I didn't expect to come about a question I'm positively sure I couldn't have come up with a straight and direct answer if it was asked from me a year ago. A year ago was another story, and the question that was raised doesn't really matter. What made a lot of sense to me last night was how far I have took myself from moving on and that I'm still going further.

My answer was brutal but I threw in some sort of funny line to ease the tension. I just didn't want to be taken too seriously even if I was dead serious. I just know it would hurt because it was the truth. And as far as i know that truth now was a total lie not so long time ago.

I admit I grieved. I let myself succumbed to sadness because I find that theres nothing wrong to recognize loss. I cried. Buckets even, because somehow the pain was worth the tears and I was hurt.

People cry when they are hurting not from pain but for who caused it.

But Its all over now (even way before), I took my time to get over. I know I did because I had bravely managed to convert false hopes into a reality that its not gonna happen. And I'm not letting it happen because at times meant to be's just have specified time frames. It was hard to get a grip of that but I did, eventually.

Last night i conquered what was once a fear but now i consider the known. It is somehow a triumph over the past, of things that we always thought would confuse us or limit the steps we take. And most, it is my realization that I didnt said words which i held so dear to me not until I was really really really sure I'm ready to live up with it.

Positive 20

For the record, turning 20 was happy.

I admit that i somehow dreaded the day to come and feared that I might morph into something supernatural once the clock strikes midnight (paranoia noted). I dunno. Although i didnt really felt this when I turned 10, theres just something about entering into another decade of handling (getting away from) responsibilities and still sticking to what i have always believed in. Plus theres my mom bickering that she is not getting any younger. My age is of course waaaaaaay directly proportional to hers.

Weeks before i officially entered adult-dom Ron told me that it was ok to "panic". He said that i should worry if im not worrying. Being anxious about growing up means I am aware of it's consequences and i might just be ready for them. Ron is always sober, meaning, its no bullshit when he really meant that my palpitations were a good thing.

My family was excited, my friends were excited, I was also excited. I never thought I would actually look forward to my 20 years of existence. This is the first time that i felt that more candles to blow out wasnt that bad at all. Not because theres more wishes to make but more things to be truly grateful for. The year hasnt ended yet but as early as now i am more than thankful to the surprises (which i realized were blessings) that has come my way and even to the people around me. There were some surprises that were not easy to deal it, surprises that left a mark of hurt or a moment to question but then again God (Morgan Freeman) said "if somebody prayed for courage you think God will give them courage or an opportunity to be courageous?".

Lesson: The next time shit happens, say "ow opportunity". Moms would definitely appreciate kids toning down on their profanity level.

But seriously, I dont feel a bit old nor wiser. I feel that there are a lot of things to look forward to (alcohol to digest) and turning 20 marks another year to see things at a better perspective.

POSITIVE!!!!

Do i need to elaborate more on what happened?

like really...

Thanks to: Carlo, Juan, Rica, Tetet, Aldrin II, Eubert, Kuya Donst, Tingst, Maam Juvy, Paul (same birthday!), Sir O, Maam Janey, Maam Chandy, Borge, Maam Lluisma, Maam V, Dino, Beach, Alan, Reynan, Leavia, John, Jane, RJ, Mer-Ain, Ron2x, Aiza and her sister, and whoever stopped by for drinking the night away...

PS. To all who werent there, but were definitely floating in my mind we got your drinks covered, and thank you from the bottomless pit of my intoxicated heart.

Last Day

Today is my last day beeing "teen" and as what tita Futs said shut up and grow up gracefully. I feel kinda weird though. Theres just a lot of emotions going on inside me and they are juggling with their respective opposites. But im looking forward for everything especially that i can feel the overwhelming love from people i care so much about.

More tomorrow morning...

from down under

Nightly Recap

On our way home last tuesday night from history class, Shahani and I had the usual "in retrospect" talk. I forgot how we started walking together after class till we reach the corner of Mt. Apo and Quirino but i've just noticed that in those walks we get to share each other's piece of mind about something. Whether it was about the latest classroom gossip, teachers who's teaching method (aka reading out loud in class) sends us to the pits of boredom, and on a more "socially involved" level, the human security act of 2007.

We talk things at total random and think about it differently too. Shahani, i should say is more of a conservative at most matters especially about relationships, religion and our course. I on the other hand is somewhat liberal and outspoken, even profane at a certain point. It's a clash of opinion and views come to think of it, but we found a way to just accept each other's drift.

There are times that we both agree on something and I like it since I get to see her assertiveness. I think thats really one of her assets. And knowing the fact that she's determined and focus with our course, i know she would be a good advocate.

Given our different ways to view things, there are certain topics that we cant agree with together. She believes this way, i think otherwise and vice versa. Its those moments that maturity is tested by not trying to pull each other's hair out amidst repelling views hehe. But seriously, i find such conversations healthy, in a way that it perks up my intoxicated neurons and makes you draw the conclusion that this person is totally not boring. Here is somebody i like talking to because i can get sense out of myself without restrictions. And in some way im trying to radiate that realization to her because i think others just cant get her.

On one talk, i remember telling her that good friends should not just understand each other but simply accept. She argued that in order to accept one must first understand. My point was, there are certain things that we just cant comprehend as much as we want to. Things that are too complicated for the human brain to digest and find the reason behind. But if we accept thats its just the way they are with only the underlying reason of because you just do, things gets easier.

She gave me a dumbfounded look.

It was my cue to give her an analogy.

So i said: "I can never understand the way Sheila almost do somersaults when hearing a good news but I accepted that. Or why you like to be the next in line Nightingale, that is seriously something I cannot understand but hey I accepted it".

She paused a bit and I knew somehow my point was taken. And being the bookish person that she is she asked me where the hell did i got such idea. All I said was, "a thing you wouldn't understand and wont dare to literally take in your system".

Keeping Him Posted

Just when my bitchy lower back pain was relieved when i woke up this morning (thanks to Aldrin's reminder to wear my brace), he wore a sad face because of a phone call he got earlier. This is the kind of thing that would make me want to teleport myself to the land down under pronto to keep his spirits up and not diving down. But thanks to distance, I have to improvise to keep my Mr. Responsible posted...