After hearing Sir O's story at a very unholy hour while we were both sipping instant hot chocolate, it came into me that indeed, all love stories are the same. It doesnt matter whoever is involve, or where it took place and for how long it lasted. Its all the same because when we talk about that "one" story, theres this glow in our eyes that reveals a pain that can be healed but never forgotten. The pain is still there and it hurts because to simply put it ,hurt, hurts. Time somehow alleviates the burden. It distracts us from the past and reminds us to move because unlike us, it keeps on going when we stop. And as we narrate a tale that was once love, for a split second theres a part of us that says its worth going back to. But when we realize that we have came a long way to start all over, we take it back because we know better now, that love, just love is not enough...
And I knew after that.. I have to write again....
2006 was tragic. Though there were a few great highs but most of the time it was morbid. Bloody, painful, frustrating, sad, angry, shocking and the list goes on.. Its actually surprising that as another year unfolds I can still stand, what more, write and breathe. Last year's series of unfortunate events did break me. Not just to pieces but worse to minute fragments that cant be pieced out ever again. Im broken, and forever will be. Its a fact i cant cant change but know what its better this way. Being broken is far better than breaking. I dont like the feeling of a slow paced death that at times, literally will cut your air out.
The five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance, ive gone through it plus the relapses. Not to mention the final final closures, alcohol sprees that at times i was drinking with an ongoing hangoveer, and ofcourse having friends you make out with just to get you back to the 'game'. It was a long ordeal and i think its best kept that way. The more you insist in recovering faster the more you lose to the monsters in your head.
Just put in mind that If shit happens, relief does too.
Paulo Coelho wrote in the Zahir "Until one morning, I'll wake up and find I'm thinking about something else, and then I'll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. When someone leaves, its because someone is about to arrive. I'll find love again". We will eventually, in a manner totally different than what we have gone used to and after we finally let go and be on freefall.
They did came. Not just someone but a lot of someones to push you forward in moving. The highs of last year was meeting a lot of great people turned great friends and strengthening what hopefully would be a lasting friendship. I now understand why there is a need for us to bare everything to certain people. That we should let them know everything there is for them to know, because when times that we lose control over ourselves, they are the one who'd help us find ourselves. If not for them who would talked to me under the glow in the dark stars in my room's ceilings just so i can pull myself together , joined first friday mass with me, never said no to every booze invite, tutored me out of distress and eventually gave me a turn to teach alcohol 101 , traveled with me to where we made no thinking and just let each day pass, overwhelmed me with a very warm welcome and ofcourse them, who showed and told me they're all better now through me, I wouldnt find love again. Because now, I love myself more than ever.
Just love is not enough. You have to know where it should be first directed to.
If John Rzeznik believes that at times you need to bleed just to know your alive i say theres a more non invasive way of reality check, drink up! haha!
Im writting again and this is a good thing. This means that my head is really cleared up right now from all its clutters and im already for 2007 to surprise me.
Dont accept if the seal is broken.
