Miss Call #4

I took my chances on you because it tantamounts to giving myself that chance. The risk is extreme but i worry less since now I know for sure that I can get over you again. I didnt want to see you then because I never understood why you wanted me to let go of you. My pride told you I did, but it took a lot of drunken love talks and a lot of episodes of grey's anatomy to figure it out.

Your scaring the hell out of me by popping out of nowhere and then go missing again. What does that suppose to mean? Was it a game? Were you drunk enough to call me because I would surely understand. I hate it when you do stuffs like that. Stuff that would make me think of you more just when I have already kept myself from not thinking of you. You owe it to me to let me get back on my feet, and you coming into the picture on cue but without the right lines is not helping. Right now im not anymore sure if I was right to invite you over coffee to catch up. I admit on having a lapse of judgement because come to think of it, if you dont even have the balls to talk to me how much more to see me.

I want to see you because I want you to see me and what I have become after you. I dont want to see you because from the way you let me look at things, your not ready for me to see you.

Im not happy now if thats what you want to know, but neither am I sad too. All this time ive been in the borderline of everything because I have known better from taking things into drastic measures. Only time can say if i have fully recovered, if theres such a thing. But I know for myself that im recovering day by day and I wish you the same as well. Gone are the days when we used to have eachother when were scared. Im not going to be there for you anymore because you took that away from me.

Lets both move on with our lives seperately and act civil for real. I can only take one chance with you, one more and thats a totally different story. That would be your turn to take chances on yourself which in the first palce you should have done before I did.

look me in the eye as i say.. ow common!!

posted Saturday, 21 October 2006 and so therefore... (3)

Nix made this comment,

Ehem.

comment added :: 24th October 2006, 17:24 GMT+08

anonymous nga eh! made this comment,

wow ha! heavy stuff to! What happened really? Curious lang po... ;-)

comment added :: 4th November 2006, 19:17 GMT+08

the caterpillar made this comment,

gugmang gi-atch? the world will never run out of this from people like us... how's sagada?

comment added :: 5th November 2006, 01:41 GMT+08

Nobody passed the finals

The chances of me failing my major for this semester is as broad as daylight. Actually i see it coming. When you dont have the mindset to actually want this course and actually have a sane reason to push through, failing is inevitable. I just dont get the whole idea of excerting effort to something that doesnt mean to me. Maybe for some it is important, but we are all different, we have different priorities and sad to say this is not what I want, it will never be.

I have begged to my parents to let me shift to another course. That it would be for the good of my sanity and my well being as well. But then, because they are my parents and I still have a conscience that I will be the first child and the first grandchild on my dad's side to graduate college, i pushed through even if it meant my heart shattering into gazillion pieces.

If theres one thing this course taught me though its about being mediocre. The moment i stepped foot in my college capmpus I knew im going to settle to the borderline of passing and failing. I used to be somebody who excel. I know for myself that im not average, but when the white curse came into my life, i became dumb. I wanted to be dumb. I dont want it to take what is left of me, my shattered pride and my effort.

And so as I wait for the verdict, im preparing myself to fail. Technically its new to me, but it dosnt fit my very definition of failing. This is the end of the line for me, and im gonna walk away with my dignity intact, because finally I can wear colored panties!!!

bleh!

posted Wednesday, 11 October 2006 and so therefore... (4)

jerry made this comment,

sad post. but you will only fail if you let yourself fail. there is always something as giving our best... amidst things that we are in no capacity to change (yet). so i say, i hope you did well in your exams today. so we can celebrate with, what the heck, another bottle of paul mason! shot para igat!

comment added :: 16th October 2006, 13:35 GMT+08 :: http://usahay.blogspot.com

je made this comment,

this is a sad entry. i mean, you will only fail if you let yourself fail. diba we can still be at our best, even in those situations which we cannot change (yet). so sana naging maayos ang exam mo kanina, dahil nag-aantay pa si paul mason sa atin para sa celebration. shot para igat!

comment added :: 16th October 2006, 14:04 GMT+08

kars made this comment,

it must be very liberating wearing colored panties! hurrah!

comment added :: 18th October 2006, 10:26 GMT+08

blueskies made this comment,

it's weird coz even though i wasn't forced in to nursing, sometimes i find myself hoping to "just pass". bittersweet post.

comment added :: 21st October 2006, 01:21 GMT+08